Help, My Boyfriend’s a Bad Roommate!

This chain of events may sound familiar, but it’s worth stopping it before it gets to the third step. Just because you’ve found that certain someone doesn’t mean that you’ve found the best roommate ever.

Maybe you’ve landed a girlfriend who completely refuses to ever vacuum or your boyfriend has a reputation for never having washed a dish in his life. Either way, there are some steps you can take to make sure that moving in together isn’t going to hurt your relationship.

John Curtis, the author of Happily Un-Married: Living Together & Loving It, has seen some fairly standard problems as couples move in together:

“The biggest difficulty is usually related to unfulfilled expectations…like married couples, the challenges are money, chores, sex and kids (about 40% of cohabiting couples bring kids).”

More than a few people move in with their significant others without discussing much more than what it will take to get everything packed up and transported. But you may have different views on even the most mundane matters, and it’s better to get that sort of thing out in the open from the start.

Before you decide to make the move, it’s important to talk to your significant other about the logistics of the move—how will you combine your belongings? Who will pay for which bills—as well as the more emotional components.

Curtis says, “First and foremost, get clear on expectations. Discuss how you see the future, i.e., don’t know, possible marriage, just having fun together. Also, get clear about money… who will pay what, why and how (a joint account that each is depositing into to pay bills is best). Finally, agree to who will do what chores.”

If you can put all these details in writing, all the better. Having a document you can refer back to can prevent a question like who’s going to take out the trash from becoming a bigger argument. You can always revisit any of these details down the line as circumstances change.

It is possible that things will head in a direction you would prefer they didn’t. Maybe your boyfriend or girlfriend won’t be a good roommate—how you handle that sort of situation will depend on your relationship as a whole. When it comes to relationships, there’s no universal answer for how to decide just how important your significant other’s abilities as a roommate are.